|Love boys as friends, hate them in romance....
||[Jan. 2nd, 2007|10:01 pm]
It just makes me want to shove a spoon in their booty!!!! I would probably be disently fine with the guy I like not talk ing to me ever again if thats what he did. One week he'll talk to me and be all cute, the next he has a 24 hour bug that makes you a blind deaf mute. So I go over to my friends house I know he's going to be there so I'm praying that I don't get stressed out cause thats usually what happens. Then I'm thinking I should have just gone to that party with Tiff why am I being so stupid putting myself in a stressful state????? Because I love Abby and shes awesome thats why!!!!! WE had plans we were going to have a nice dinner cooked by my second mom watch naruto and play karoke til the break of dawn. It just would'nt have been the same had I done something else. Anyway sooo I'm like I'm not going to let him get to me, he's either going to ignore me or he's going to talk to me and stress me out. But he had'nt talked to me in a while and since I know his patterns I knew it was time for him to talk to me. And sure enough, well he did'nt really talk to me alot but he was really sweet and helpful let us use his amp(is that how you spell it????)for tyhe microphone since the dvd player did'nt have a hook up. Which he searched for and then got out the manual to see if there was then he let us use his microphone since we only had one and he's stingy about his stuff most of the time. And I knew he did'nt want to hear us sing and he hates our music. If you knew him like I knew him you'd know that that was a very, very sweet thing to do. WOW look at the small essay I'm writing ???? I'm not absessing about this at all. I just wish he was consistant, I'm a girl I have gay feelings and emotions that I can't help and he jerksme back and forth. I would'nt care if he ever talked to me again if he'd only tell me that he liked me then at least I'd know that I meant something to a boy finally ...one that I've liked more than any other. It really does'nt mean anything but I'm a girl and I'm gay sooooo yeah it kinda does. Even if I found out he did like me I don't think that we'd ever date just because I don't feel like we're meant for each other we'd contradict to much as friends we'd be fine which is all I wan to be I know that sound s confusing but it is all I want to be. I need a hot asian freshly spit out of japan thats diffrent from me and the same so we balance each other out. I think the main reason why I'd never date him is because of how he acts when we're mot dating. Not consistant(what do you want from me?), Not good at communicating(just tell me you like methats all I want I did the hardest part for you), Not to open-minded(he's not as bad as he use to be but still.... he won't dance I like to dance,I know he won't cosplay come on it will be fun, but nnnnnoooooooooooo) and some other stuff. I think he thinks that I want to date him and really I don't, yeah for the most part I don't(because duh it would never out and thats ok, we're diffrent), and I think that he thinks that that ill cause problems between me him and abby which I understand. BUt he dose'nt know that abby knows and if he would just talk to me about everything he'd figure out that it's really not hat complicated and that he's the one making it that way. I suppose it does'nt help that I make a complete foolout of myself around him all of the time. I find it hard to be my self around him because I feel like I'm being critized all of the time. Which is another reason I don't want to dat ehim people who like or love you should'nt make you feel that way about yourself. And I think that we could be good for each other but if he thinks he to good I don't need someone like that around. But mabey he's just shy I don't know???? I just wish he'd talk to me it's not like it was'nt hard for me to talk to him about liking him. But that was my decision and to an extent I should'nbt hold him to my standards for my self. I don't know I hate this whole thing hopefully I'll be over it soon eeven though I don't want to I want it to e resolved. Because unresolved things come back and shove a spoon in your booty....and that would be awfully uncomfortable. Sorry for wasting your time if you got all the way through I just needed to get the out(pant, pant) been holding that in for awhile.|